What's your impression growing up? Should boyfriends provide for their girlfriends financially or not? Do you believe in going Dutch?

“Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time. You all have to stop this foolishness with the “I pay for my dinner, so he knows I don’t need him” approach” Steve Harvey Act like a lady, think like a man-First school of thoughts.

Before you begin calling names, how about we try to comprehend where this might be coming from. (I think I simply heard somebody saying gold digger. Another inquiring as to whether I'm an escort? What's more, a third voice inquiring whether he is your dad to be liable for your upkeep).

If it's not too much trouble hang tight, alright? Most of us have been socialized with the idea of men being the head of the family. He must provide and protect the family. Don't forget your sisters see it all and bit by bit swallow this notion. Unconsciously this notion grows with us. To them, if you can't provide for them you are not a boyfriend material. How can she be sure you will provide for her and her children when you finally get married?

(Aaaww I'm still hearing gold diggers!).
“I’m here to tell you, though, ladies, that the term “gold digger” is one of the traps we men set to keep you off our money trail; we created that term for you so that we can have all of our money and still get everything we want from you without you asking for or expecting this very basic, instinctual responsibility that men all over the world are obligated to assume and embrace. It’s a “get-over” term, ladies—one that has a very legitimate premise (there are, of course, women who date and marry men solely for the cold, hard cash), but one that has been wrongly and almost universally applied to any woman who has made clear that she expects her man to fulfill his duty as a man.” Steve Harvey Act like a lady think like a man.

It's funny those shouting gold diggers are for the most part the ones without gold mines, perhaps they are just scared you may end up digging out their intestines rather.

The good news is that there are guys who accommodate their girlfriends monetarily. They feel it's a way of demonstrating love. If you love your woman, pamper her. They feel it's something they should do, and they enjoy doing so. That's admirable. After all it's your money, who cares?

If you want a man who must provide for you, go for one with such a mindset. Don't go for the opposite and brand him stingy.

Second school of thought: This crew is for individuals who believe boyfriends are not answerable for their sweethearts monetarily. They are not obliged to do as such. Obviously legally, there's nothing holding men to do as such, so for what reason should they do it?

I have personally taken a boy out before and shouldered all expenses just because I didn't want to owe him. Yes he once took me out and asked that I return the favor, so I did. (It turned out to be the worst date ever though, story to be told another day). If I can afford it why accept your money just to be cornered to do things your way ? I don't want to hear, “after all I have done for you, you want to leave me?” They want to feel free to be themselves. Can you blame them? In this squad are also those who take it extreme.

Recently a Nigerian author and pastor Reno Omokri took to his Twitter page to rubbish the whole idea of a boyfriend spending on his woman. In the post, he wrote,
“Don’t think you are doing charity by sponsoring your girlfriend’s lifestyle. Actually, you are doing stupidity. God blesses you for blessing your mother, wife and sister. It is satan that ‘blesses’ foolish men who waste their money on loose women”.

Well, the good news remains you will find someone with your ideology. Just find that person and stay in your lane.

Third school of thought: they say anything goes. If you give me money that's fine, if you don't, that's also fine. This may sound straightforward. However, there are people who feel you should be opened enough to say what exactly you want. You both are in a relationship to provide companionship. When things get tough and I feel you need help I will gladly help. At the point when you look comfortable, there's no compelling reason to help. There are no contractual obligations. These set is also cool with going Dutch. Even though they believe they are not entitled to these financial benefits, once in a while they may enjoy them. Some may take the help in form of a loan and pay back. That's also a way of enjoying financial benefits. I'm sure it's an interest free loan.

Relationships give us hope and someone to rely on in times of difficulties. Provides us with someone to share our happiness with. No matter which school of thought you belong to on bae allowance, make sure it does not destroy your relationship. Well it will be easier to find someone who shares your idea on bae allowance and the rest will be easy. Not to say there are no gold diggers, there are people who want you solely for your money. And there are stingy people with P.O.P hanging on their arm, they can never give. Can we be careful enough?

All I seek to achieve with this post is for us to respect others views and perspectives on bae allowance. Don't give people trouble for deciding to or not to give their sweethearts cash. Compatibility is an imperative for finding a sweetheart. Please find someone who shares your ideas. I believe our live will be simpler without all these name tags.

Thanks for reading, with love always, Delali.


  1. Abu bonsra Joseph

    ….digging out their instensines paaa…😂. I can’t stop laughing, anyway that was a great piece.

  2. Judith Nuertey

    I don’t agree with most of Steve Harvey’s ideas in that book, it still supports the idea of gender roles. However like you’ve mentioned each to their own. Everyone do what they want knowing their view is not necessarily better than that of others. People just have to understand each other and respect each other’s views. Very interesting read with humor 😂😂. Great post❤️


    Yh. Everyone and the way they kill their cat. Ooooooiiii! Did I say cat?
    On a more serious note, I think the concept of responsibility is learnt and not acquired. So as a young guy, you learn to shoulder responsibility through some of these means.
    When I was dating my bae, she never asks for money. But I feel like I have to give her something. She will reject it. And I always have to force her before she accepts.
    Yes, there are ladies who don’t need your ‘allowance’. But remember, the big things we do today is the result of the small things we did yesterday.

    1. readerstellnotales

      What a beautiful contribution. I’m glad you and your bae got to understand each other. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Henrietta

    Nice one brid.. nice one .. its all about finding someone who shares ur ideology on bae allowance.. and when you do .. ur relationship can never go wrong .. thanks brid.

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