Friend: Bridget, why don’t you give that guy we met at the filling station a chance? (She said with a smile which was as bright as the diamond on her wedding ring.) Oh yeah, she continued, knowing you, I’m sure you want a man who has done his PHD.
Me: Oh I already have a boyfriend.
IN MY HEAD: You have no idea, apart from his willingness to learn, my boyfriend is the complete opposite of me when it comes to books. I’m the type who will skip church if I have exams to write. (Not proud to say that though). I would cry for a grade gone wrong and by a grade gone wrong I mean a B.So I understand which angle my friend was coming from.
It’s no news that most men shy away from women with higher educational background. A society where most men strongly believe in not educating their wives to levels higher than theirs, that’s Ghana for you. Let me talk for Nigeria with the help of the bride price by Buchi Emecheta “after all, ” the Obidis said “there’s nothing special about her, except her education, and all these modern education doesn’t do women any good…It makes them too proud”. So if another man says “I love smart women, I will marry one, and push her to the highest academic calendar she wants to climb because she will make me look smart,” it makes headlines. To some, the imperfections lie in academics, to others it’s behavioral or perhaps physical. Some people are naturally difficult to deal with, some flirty, others rather too blunt for our liking and others overambitious, or even overemotional, workaholic, too slim, too fat, sucks at dancing, the list goes on and on. Yes we are all imperfect. (You can go through my blog for the write up on WHO ARE YOU?, If you haven’t read it yet).
People say you attract what you are and not what you want. Others also believe unlike poles attract. I believe love goes where love is. Most of us have a list of what our ideal partner should be. You can’t blame us. Nobody wants to go the market and buy rotten eggs and come home to endure the stinking odour when there’s a little crack. In as much as we know we all make mistakes, we tend to forget that when searching for love. We channel all our energy to judging people. Not even an eye to look at what a gentleman he is. You forget he is there to complete you and you there to complete him. The perfect in his imperfections and the perfect in your imperfections. You think your heart sucks at being a heart because it chooses to love the “wrong” people. Of course sometimes the heart does oversteps it’s boundaries, falling for the world’s dochiest bags. I mean those who maltreat and abuse you, people exceptionally talented in aggression. When it does, just redirect your heart to pumping blood. Yeah, don’t confuse imperfections with a grenade.❌🙅❌
But when this lady is the one whose stares alone can make you want to be the best version of yourself, it’s a different story. You dream of the cuteness she radiates when you tickle her and she flaps her arms like an angel stubbornly refusing to fly, the kind of lady who knows what to say to you at the right time, the one who calls your name yet it sounds like music to your ears, and regardless of all these tingles you feel she is not “Nicki Minaj” enough so she ain’t the one. If I’m your heart, I will give you as much pain as you asked for, trust me. “Oh this guy is good, he’s been kind to me, I like him but he’s not my kind of guy. He is not masculine enough.” (*Sigh*)Beauty and the beast can also find love together. You have been searching for Mr. Right, you think you have found Mr. Left, why don’t you hold him tight and take him to God to make him Right? Maybe he is only suffering from compass disorders (if there’s anything like that).
I’m far from being perfect. Aside my third leg which prevents me from doing a few crazy things, I hold a degree in being annoying. It doesn’t mean I’m not worth loving. Goodbye to the days of blaming myself. I’m not enough that’s why he cheated, what if his parents don’t like me because of my ethnicity? and what have you. Stop denying yourself love. I’m not saying sit on your ass and worship your flaws. Once in a while we need a self introspection. We need to work on things we don’t like about ourselves. But I’m done beating myself for my imperfections because I’m naturally imperfect.
You know, I look at my tiny ass and I look at his and his siblings beautiful figure and I just tell myself, I know my female children will have the chance to inherit a beautiful back side. Unless they decide to take after me to be blessed with endless squats and hip exercises. There’s that special someone who will love you regardless of your shortcomings.
Nobody is telling you to fake it. You just have to learn to live with his imperfections. Because he has become that one person whose hands you want to hold forever. But I wish he was taller, I wish he was rather a doctor instead of an engineer. He doesn’t know how to cook, I wish my boyfriend is as handsome as Elena’s husband. ..Hello sweetheart, the world is not a wish granting factory (let me borrow a phrase from THE FAULTS IN OUR STARS by John Green). And obviously love is not about finding the perfect person.
“I fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly then at once.” (The faults in our stars)
When you wake up, and start seeing your significant other without your love lens, you begin to question yourself. Where did I even get this one from? Love beyond emotions is a decision. Deep down in your heart, you know she is worth it. It’s time to make a decision to look beyond her imperfections. You can’t be on a rollercoaster which only goes up. There will be ups and downs. You have to communicate and tolerate. That’s the seriousness in saying “I do” to someone. It’s a big decision.
Don’t go looking for someone to make you happy. Happiness is in you. Find it and share with those you love. When you depend on someone to make you happy, it’s disastrous. You are the alpha and omega of your happiness. When you focus of people’s imperfections, you miss out on all the blessings they carry along. Open your heart and give love a chance. I leave you with the words of Tom Robbins.
“WE WASTE OUR TIME LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT LOVER, INSTEAD OF CREATING THE PERFECT LOVE.”
Bridget Delali, cheers to love.