“You won’t understand what I mean now, but someday you will: the only trick of friendship, I think, is to find people who are better than you are—not smarter, not cooler, but kinder, and more generous, and more forgiving—and then to appreciate them for what they can teach you, and to try to listen to them when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad—or good—it might be, and to trust them, which is the hardest thing of all. But the best, as well.” Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life.
One morning, I had a call from a very good friend. After our usual greetings she asked me a question that did not only leave me in doubts but also made me a better friend. “You haven’t heard from me for 5 days and you won’t even look for me. What if something had happened to me?” She asked. My guilt would not let me utter a single word, I had no excuse. She continued by narrating how a taxi full of robbers had robbed her and nearly kidnapped her. What if something had happened to her? When was the last time you checked up on her? Was I really being a good friend? I asked myself.
There are families that we are born into and those that we choose for ourselves when we get married or the great friends who simply become family. So genuine is their love that your bond of friendship grows stronger and stronger. Once you choose these friends the least you can do is to be good to them. “The only way to have a friend is to be one” Ralph Waldo Emerson.
We are all hustling and bustling around with family, work, and academic pressures and sometimes a combination of these. You think of a friend and promise to give them a call but you only do that in your head. A friend decides to organize a hangout but you are too busy to attend.
We think we have grown and for that matter do not have time for friends but that’s not true. Why? Because once you need help, once you feel lonely, once you need advice, once you need someone to share your happiness with, once you need a shoulder to cry on, you run back to those friends. Friends are like a life support if they are real.
Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t even find a reason to go back to that friend. The gap created between you becomes too wide to close. According to Anthropologist Robin Dunbar, in a research on the effect of love on friendship, when a new person comes into your life, he or she displaces two others in your close circle, usually a family member or a friend. Depending on how you use this knowledge, you may be okay with friends being displayed or seeing it as an awareness to maintain your old friends regardless of who comes into your life. Knowledge is power so I’d choose the latter. There’s an adage in my local language which literally translates “too much fish in a soup does not render the soup spoilt”.
What happens when your friends are doing so well in life while you mark time like a soldier waiting to be deployed for a peace mission? Do you leave them or just stay with them? How do you handle your friends’ accomplishments? Sometimes your friend may end up dating the one you wish to date. That friend may have a job and you don’t have one. That friend may be married while you are not. Life is not a race my dear. The happiness of your friends is never the cause of your misfortunes. See them as your inspirations and learn as much as you can from them. It’s tuition free. Always remember how your friendship begun. Remember the bond that holds you together. You have control over your emotions. Don’t let negative emotions ruin that bond of friendship.
What about the friends who abandon you because they feel they have accomplished a lot and you are no longer on their level? Trust me, they never understood friendship. A true friend will raise you up. He will not look at you in your darkest hour and disappear. A true friend is one who listens to you. One who will keep your secrets. “Friendship was witnessing another’s slow drop of miseries, and long bouts of boredom and occasional triumphs. It was a feeling honoured by the privilege of getting to be present for another person’s most dismal moments, and knowing that you could be dismal in return.”Hanya Yanagihara, A little Life.
Every picture on this blog today is a reminder that your friends appreciate you and want the world to know how special you are. You can also mention your friends in the comment session and leave a message for them. Friendship is just as beautiful as you are.
P.S The brotar foundation is a movement which is geared towards showing concern for the mental and emotional welfare of others. At brotar, you are encouraged to be a better friend. Join the brotar movement via
Thank you, lots of love.